Will we ever get there?

Lately I have been really depressed. I didn't meet my want and need to be CC debt free by August. It's likely going to be November before I meet this goal. I feel sick of having to living on such a tight budget. I feel a tremendous amount of guilt about spending more than we should. Like I have to justify everything. Today I got into a fight with my mother. Mainly because I wasn't coming down for her Birthday (she is Austin). I guess I had it my head she was coming up to Dallas instead. So I had her gift shipped directly to her. I had two birthdays this month which hits your budget really hard when you trying to focus on debt. So I bet you are wondering why I am doing this all. Why does it matter? Plenty of Americans have debt. Plenty are drowning in it and it doesn't bother them. This is no way to live. I want to live within my means regardless if I should or not. There are plenty of reasons that I am doing this. First, I want to be able to save as much as possible to get us a good cushion. There is always that what if. I am about to go in to our savings to take a huge junk to pay off as much as possible. This was part of the original plan...but that means I have to get it paid off for good so we can get back to saving again.
Another big thing is that Sandro and I want to start a family. Well my insurance isn't the best and I will have a automatic 3000 deductible. This doesn't take into account the amount I am going to pay if I happen to have our baby out of network (shit happens right) or if there is something wrong with our pregnancy. Then there is this whole problem with paying for daycare. I have no intention of being a stay at home mom. I have career and I want to keep this career and have a family. Daycare for babies is close to $800-1000 a month. So once we have a child we won't be able to save very much (except for retirement)
So it comes down to this. How can we afford all of this? I can't even afford to decorate my house or get much needed tools that are necessary for home ownership. I either need to get a better job or Sandro will. But I love what I do. I love my job. So anyway...my head is swimming today. Maybe it's the PMS talking maybe it's me just feeling the challenges of married life. Do we just become like everyone else and drown in debt. Or do we focus on our goals?
I feel like every time there is a obstacle it will keep us further away from having a family. I feel like every time something that pops up that isn't on our budget that it derails our plan even further. I wish I could just be happy and not have to think about all of this. I wish I could just win the lottery. Well overall I know I should be thankful for having amazing supportive husband. I know we will one day make our goals. Hopefully this depression will subside soon.

SJ Photography Website now Published

I haven't blogged in a while so I thought I would write this one up. For some of you who know me you know that I am huge on photography. Love it, love it and love it so more. Even when I was younger I would be the type to always want to look at my mom's albums. She collected so many pictures. I would spend hours and hours looking at pictures, one by one. I love seeing history. I even would dig out my grandmothers albums and look through those. I always love looking at the expression of people faces and thinking about what possible could have been thinking. I was always consumed with it. Never in my wildest dreams did I think that I would be able to pick up a camera and perhaps a little bit of talent. But hell I went for it. I received my first real camera for Christmas. It's a 35mm SLR Canon. While film is definitely not popular anymore I am surprised on how beautiful the pictures turn out. I have so much to learn though. Mainly about lighting and proper use of a flash but I am totally willing to keep trying.

This last month I had the opportunity to take pictures for my BIL and SIL wedding. Here are the top ten things that I learned.

1) Slow down. Take a break and really pay attention to the shots that you want to take. Don't rush yourself. Your the one in control.

2) Trust your first instinct. If you know a room has good lighting and would be better for pictures tell the bride. I wish I had used a different room because the lighting was just off during the groups shots. Also, the the fact so many people where in the room while you were taking the pictures make you really nervous and rush the whole process. In retrospect I would have used the room with the better lighting and less distractions.

3) Don't waste to much of the film during the pre-wedding pictures.

4) Have three sets of replacement batteries. I loaned mine out to fred not thinking I might actually need the other set. Oh well.

5) Take more guest shots. I feel like I missed the mark on this. I didn't go around and ask to take pictures of the guests. While I got quite a few I feel I could have gotten more.

6) Taking pictures in low light is just hard. But the black and white film looks beautiful in this setting.

7) Having an assistant (Thanks Mom) is very important. I couldn't have done it without her.

8) A photographer can't always take pictures every time. (believe it or not) There will be mess ups. I need to learn to live with that and love the pictures I do take.

9) I should have taken a break. Didn't even get any stinky cake. :(

10) Watch for slippery places and try not to step on the brides Train. hehe...I nearly died twice.

Here is the link to my new photography website. Randi's pictures are password protected but if you want to see them let me know or let her know. This will basically be my hub for storing and displaying all my photo shoots. Enjoy.

http://photography.sandroandstephanie.com/

The photobook:
share.shutterfly.com/action/welcome?sid=0AYuGrdkzcNWLzQ